Being Peasant-chan was Suffering - Oneshot
by 0ldMonk
Summary: One day I woke up as Momoya. You don't know him? Well, do you know Peasant-chan? Of course, you know of him. His premature departure of the Anime was quite hilarious. I reiterate: "Peasant-chan!" Guess what? Momoya is this Peasant-chan. I hope I won't die like Peasant-chan. [Oneshot]


**Author's Note:**

 _Well, plot bunnies did increase. Did they all shag? So as you can guess a plot bunny attacked as I watched the second episode of the chinese translation again and saw Peasant-chan. I thought why not, so here is my gift for you all._

 _You could call this a certain form of parody. Making fun of SI is nice, too. It is a oneshot, perhaps I will someday write it on a serious note, but for today laugh.  
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 **Being Peasant-chan was Suffering**

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A cold wet sensation on my face disturbed my heavy slumber, forgotten was the bliss I felt. My lids snapped violently open, inviting raindrops into my eyes. It hurt. The pain got me totally awake. My hands flailed a little as I tried to pat besides me, trying to find my phone.

But instead, I gripped onto the handle of a katana, the cold hard wooden handle was familiar, yet unfamiliar. It confused me. I took the risk to look around and saw that which let me agape. That shouldn't be impossible, or so I thought, yet I couldn't deny it.

I was sleeping on the cold ground of the tower; a guard tower of the station - the Aragane Station.

I carefully stood up, feeling myself surprisingly fit, took the katana which was sheathed and brushed my fingers against the hilt, feeling the well-crafted tail ending with red strings forming the hair as I traced it down to the guard; an impeccable golden lotus flower bound with white silk cords.

I was entranced by it like seeing a goddess which the sword was for me.

My right hand stroked the hilt intimately before my fingers wrapped around the handle; my grip was confident as if it wasn't my first time at all. How curious. I exerted a little more force and pulled the sword smoothly out of its sheath, letting the sunlight be reflected by the stainless sharp steel and blinding myself a little. I squinted my eyes as I watched my reflection.

Brown eyes stared back while my face was unfamiliar, yet I knew that it was my face since I was born.

Wasn't I born in Germany?

A headache assaulted me - my left hand dropped the sheath and went to cradle my head. After it subsided I could see it, I could understand.

It was as if the frog in my mind was lifted.

Fuck my life. I was born in Kabaneri of the Iron Fortress. Impossible! Yet... There was the Aragane Station I could faintly remember from the Anime. It will soon fall.

Wait a moment.

I looked back down from the tower, narrowed my eyes and saw how people - Japanese - filled the streets, some working while others were buying in a marketplace.

I breathed out in relief. Fortunately, it seemed I was before the Fall. Now I needed to know if the train arrived already; if Mumei was there.

Out of habit I looked to the ground and saw my trusted gun; a steam gun connected to the engine on my back. I patted behind me, felt the pressure gauge and the boiler. Before I didn't feel the weight, but now that I concentrated on it, I could feel a little of it. It seemed body muscle did its work, or my panic was greater than the weight on my back.

I laughed full belly in desperation as I thought about the so called future. I was definitely fucked. There was no way out, except to give me the bullet by this crappy 19th century gun - Steampunk greets - connected by a fucking portable boiler.

My mad cackling was heard it seemed as someone called me, "Momoya, are you alright there?" Who was that?

A memory popped up.

My hands were gripping the handle of a blunt katana, sweat gathered my forehead as I held it in the ready position while my opponent did the same. His whole giant body stilled completely as if he was a stone statue.

It made me nervous, in fact, I made my move out of impatience and agitation. My sword came sailing down from the right aiming at his shoulder. He took one step, appearing in front of me, the blade of his sword met mine in a clank as I tried to escape from the hold, but he didn't let me as he grabbed my hand, locking me in my place.

He then turned to the left with his whole body, shifting his blade as mine too. His blade slid to the guard. I tried to stop him as I forced my upper weight down, but that was a lethal mistake as he just let me push my sword down. I stabbed into the ground while my opponent's sword came lightning fast up to my neck, drawing a little blood as he held the blade in place.

My heart pounded uncontrollably as I saw my own reflection on it; my brown hair was wild as sweat glued it to my forehead, giving me the beggar's look.

My eyes met his, an exchange was made, a promise of brotherhood. He took the sword away and sheathed it with a flourish.

He held his hand to me. I didn't know that I crouched, yet I ignored it as I took hold of his hand.

He smiled, showing his clean teeth and told me, "Not bad at all. But you need to work on your reaction. What is your name, Bushi?"

"Momoya, " I answered, quite perplexed. I hoped my smile wasn't so brittle.

"Well, Momoya, I am Kibito and I welcome you to our little brotherhood. Banzai Yomogawa!" His fellow men, all Bushi, cheered too.

A hand clasped on my shoulder. It brought me back to the present. I saw Kibito in front of me with a concerned look to which I tried to smile as if nothing happened, but to no avail, as he looked worried now. So instead I said, "Don't worry. Just some thoughts about a girl I met."

His eyebrows rose considerably as if they could vanish in the hairline. I acted nervous, bringing my right hand to the neck in shame as I elaborated, "I met her yesterday. She was really pretty and nice. I think she likes me too."

He laughed, not mockingly, but happily and smacked me on the back in a friendly art, but I buckled a little because of the force he used. My face twisted in pain as I tried to endure his continuos smacking. What the fuck man?

Fortunately, he stopped and just said, "Ah, how the children are all grown up. It makes me feel old." He...

My face met my palm with a loud slap. Whatever.

Before I could ask him the important question which plagued my mind since I awoke, a loud whistle interrupted me. My sight wandered to the outside of the gate and there I saw the incoming train. I looked up and saw the sun shining brightly. I sighed in relief as this wasn't the train which brought everything to shit.

Thus canon began.

"What do you think of the train? Something important?" Kibito asked me, his curiosity visible on his face.

"Certainly. Let's check it out," I suggested, playing on his curiosity, although I admitted, I wanted to see Mumei. How did she compare to the Anime?

I hoped she was pretty as she was in the Anime.

I took the lead as I climbed down while he followed me. I stopped as a brief breeze washed over us, fluttering my Kimono. I clappered with my teeth as the cold seeped into me. Kibito's mass should keep him from getting cold, the bastard, I thought irritated.

After it passed, I continued to climb down, noting detached that I didn't have Acrophobia anymore. Well, at least something nice.

My feet punched into the hard dirt as I jumped off the ladder; seeing it was just meagre 3 meters. My upper body went down too like a coil as I jumped up, discharging the energy. My legs didn't hurt at all.

Kibito copied me but crashed instead into the ground face forward. My laughing couldn't be stopped as he angrily tried to punch me.

We arrived at the train hub, seeing workers repairing the trains. I spotted familiar characters.

And of course, a slender brunette with brown hair and eyes; Kajika. Well, her bust was definitely impressive for her heritage. I was a Bushi. I was the law. It wouldn't too hard if I used my privilege to, well, order her to do it like, eh, repairing my machine with her soft fair skinned hands.

I coughed a little as I banished these lewd thoughts away. Still, she was hot.

Unfortunately, if I could remember it right, Peasant-chan died in the first episode. Fuck my life. I won't give up. Even if I was surrounded by the Kabaneri. I died already last time. And I didn't want to visit the Abyss again.

"Is that your girl?" Kibito's voice brought me out of my musings, scaring me a little as I jumped which brought him to chuckle at me. Fuck you.

"Eh, yes, " I just replied, a little uncomfortable by the lie. I didn't think he believed me at all if his damn smirk was any indication. We walked through the trains and saw the Lady Yomogawa in front of Ikoma with her two bodyguards. In her hands was the damaged steam gun of her father.

I stared at her. Really, dark blue eyes and dark blue hair, that couldn't be a coincidence. I really wanted to grab her ponytail and play with her. Alas, her bodyguards would kill me if they heard my thoughts.

A sigh escaped my mouth, getting a raised eyebrow from Kibito besides me. Well, it didn't matter, I will just be satisfied with Kajika in the meantime, however, if there would be an opportunity in the future, well, no one should begrudge me if I relieved my stress on her. I never was a good person.

At least, I wasn't a hypocrite. I hated them to death.

I shrugged my shoulders and waited for the train to arrive.

I heard the squeal of the wheels turning on the train track; a loud screeching friction sounds because of heavy braking. It was an Iron Beast. It came slowly with a sharp sound to a standstill. The horn honking.

The wagon doors opened, showing another batch of Bushi and a little petite girl with a priest.

Mumei stole my breath, yet a chill coursed through my spine as my thoughts strayed to her neck where the choker was. It was adorable and hot at the same time, but unfortunately, her Kabanerie form was scary as fuck.

Did I really lust after a twelve years old girl?

With disgust, I averted my look to Yukina who got out of the train, her ripped arms were visible. Got damn were they really ripped. No, the definition of ripped. It was one thing to see it in the Anime, but to see it in real, well that was just surreal.

Of course, not long, the commotion broke out to which I just raised my gun, aimed at the fleeing person and shot as if I was trained to do so. The bullet hit his right shoulder, causing him to drop on the ground with so much force that he rolled a little, surely breaking an arm as I watched detachedly.

Ikoma ran to him, checking his pulse, after confirming that he lived, he turned to me. His look said it all; something between furious and disappointment.

Oh, high and mighty indeed. Unfortunately, he needed to live until after he killed Mumei's 'brother'. After that, well, accidents were certainly possible in such chaotic station which fell to the Kabane.

Although, it shouldn't be hard to kill Biba. I would need a precisive gun. Never bring a sword to a gun fight. Unfortunately, the Kabaneri factor was too unknown.

I hate unknowns the most. To solve that equation, I would need to be a Kabaneri. Too risky, yet I entertained the thought, but just for a moment.

Ikoma's accusing glare didn't waver as he stood up, causing other Bushi to target him with their guns. My grip hardened as I aimed the barrel at his head.

He got balls, I admitted. The motherfucker stood in front of the barrel, showing no fear but determination. His stare did make me uncomfortable. I really wanted to depress the trigger, yet my iron discipline gained through daily practices in this life stopped me from blowing his brains out.

Fortunately, the Lord came from behind me and fixed Ikoma with a harsh glare while saying, "He did his duty while you did not. Be ashamed."

However, his admonishing wasn't very effective as Ikoma just answered back, "Duty?! That wasn't duty! That was plain murder!" His agitation increased at the end of the last word.

Before it could escalate completely Ayame stepped forward and defended him, "Father, he is tired. We should give him some space." Her soft tone was like a fresh breeze, relaxing the tension.

Her father's face softened a little, yet the stern demeanour didn't disappear as he spoke his verdict, "My daughter is right. Jail him for one day. Let him recover his lost sleep."

Ikoma was on the verge of attacking me, but he decided not to, instead hesitantly obeyed the verdict as two soldiers closed on him with their guns ready, "Y-yes, my l-lord."

Her father turned to me and rested his right hand on my shoulder. He praised me, "You did very well, Bushi." He pulled his hand away as he turned his back to me and went to Mumei, followed by Kurusu and Ayame.

Kibito shook me a little, bringing me out of my daze. I told him, trying to ignore staring at Kajika's behind who stooped. It was shapely formed.

"Well, you really impressed Lord Yomogawa with your dedication," His rough voice brought me away from the distraction. Hopefully, he didn't smack my back, again and again.

"Y-yes, it seems so, " Was my generic response to the surreal situation.

Which, of course, got me smacked very hard on the back.

"Stop! Stop smacking my back!" My loud angry yells were heard by the mechanics. Most of them didn't know how to react to our byplay, but as Kajika saw me being smacked by him, she giggled. Her giggle was like a bell in Heaven. Well, no, that was totally exaggerated. Still, it felt good somehow.

After some little fun under friends, we stood 'guard'. Well, Kibito stood while I just watched some, enjoying the view.

I didn't need to wait much longer before there was a break for the workers. Fortunately, Kibito took the guard task seriously which was to my advantages as I wanted to be alone to fulfil some of my desire.

I went unnoticed, but him who raised an eyebrow to which I just shrugged my shoulder while gesturing to her. He understood it seemed because he nodded to me. Good friends were really quite rare.

I swaggered to Kajika who was cleaning her hands with water until I was behind her. She noticed my shadow shadowing her small frame. She looked up to me, her face surprised as she furrowed her brows questioningly at me.

"Are you Kajika?" I asked her as I prepared an excuse to led her out of this place; there were too many eyes. I did saw a secluded area.

"Y-yes, sir," Her worry was visible to which I curled my lips a little; envy invaded my being at the thought that they were such good friends.

"Good. Ikoma asked for you. Follow me." Yes, that was my excuse. It should grab her attention.

"Alright, sir," She responded subdued as she followed my lead. I liked how obedient she was.

I took her to the secluded area while I made sure that no one followed us. It was a little workshop by the look of the machinery.

Sweat gathered on my palms, making the grip on the gun wet as I pressed the barrel against her chin, intimidating her. Her eyes widened as she slowly comprehended the situation. Her fingers grabbed onto her working kimono. She trembled all the while, averting her eyes as she bit her lips.

"I lied. You know what that means, " I stated as I took my left hand off the gun, snaked it down her clothing until I had a firm grip on one of her breasts; perfectly fitting in my palm. I groped it, giving it a little squeeze which got a soft small moan out of her little mouth, showing her white teeth as her delicious kissable lips parted. Although, she struggled which excited me more.

I felt myself hardening down there.

I caught her lips in a deep kiss, wantonly exploring her mouth, tasting her tongue. The pleasure built itself up. Her moans weren't so small anymore. I took another step, dropping my gun with a loud noise to the ground as I used my now free right hand to grab onto her lower body. My fingers danced around her clit, circling, bringing her pleasure if the louder moan weren't an indication at all.

Well, fuck, I couldn't handle it anymore.

I let my already hardened limb out its hideout and... What the fuck?!

Was that really my fucking dick?! It... it...

It was tiny as fuck. I stared blankly down. Where was my big dick? My dear friend...

Her mocking laugh brought me out of my trauma, instantly shame buried me. I really wanted to die.

She didn't struggle anymore as if my tiny thing wasn't a threat to her virginity! Fuck!

I was so furious I couldn't control myself as I just slapped her very hard that her head snapped to the side.

"Kajika!" Someone yelled, bringing me out of my anger as I looked with a racing heart to the side and saw Takumi standing there with an improvised steam gun. Shit. Really? Did he... No, he was a steam smith, of course.

So with a deep breath, I let go of her and stepped back to where my gun was. He noticed it, shouting at me, "Halt! Stop right there, criminal scum!" Hey, hey, I was the guard, not you fucker!

I bristled a little in indignation. However, I ignored him as I didn't believe that he got the necessary balls to shoot me and instead dropped my whole upper body as I bent my legs, crouching and with a quick movement I got hold of my trusted gun which I directly aimed at him.

My right index finger was stroking the trigger; one small push and he would die. I could kill him here and now as no one would really care, after all the word of a Bushi had more weight than some peasant.

My contemplation ended as the fucking bitch stepped in front of him, shielding him from me. Takumi while was speechless, his grip slackened on the gun.

I, meanwhile, raged in the privacy of my mind. Couldn't I fucking rage quit this shit? What was that? Some teenage drama romance shit? Fuck me.

My itch commanded me to just kill them both and be done with it.

But instead, I sighed in defeat, totally mentally exhausted. I dropped my aim at him and shouldered the weapon as I marched out of the place while ignoring his passive aiming with the improvised gun at me.

As I passed him, I whispered, my tone neutral, "You are a real hero." I hope you die.

Outside the sun greeted me enthusiastically. I sauntered, contemplating my life while people gave me a wide berth; it was certainly my look as even I, myself felt that I wasn't quite happy.

It was one thing to be reborn in this Anime world, but to even...tiny...

Fuck my life.

That was surely the reason why Peasant-chan died.

An idea struck me, an insane thought; stupid even. As a Kabaneri you got enhanced endurance, quicker reaction, sharper senses and so on, but what about your lower part? Was there a correlation? Could it enlargen my dick?

These thoughts were silly, yet I entertained them. Well, no risk, no gain, I assumed.

Of course, the other advantages it would bring me weren't something to scoff at. It could make surviving this world easier. I wasn't very good with the sword, but my aim was ever true.

I needed more ammo to survive, so I went to some Bushi I knew very well, after all, we often gambled because of boredom.

"Boring guard duty too?" I asked them - three Bushi - cheerfully as if I wasn't depressed because of my thing. They saw me and greeted me with nods while one of them beckoned me with his hand to him.

"Yes, another fucking guard duty, " He complained in resignation, his shoulders slumped as he leaned his back on the wall in support.

"How about I will take your guard shifts if you give me some ammunition for my gun. You know me, I love to shoot, " I suggested with a wiggle of my eyebrows, causing them to laugh with me as I laughed too.

"Not a bad idea. I don't think I will ever need to shoot, " The other agreed, yet looked at the guy in the middle, asking him with his look to which he responded with harsh words, "Idiots, we are Bushi. We should honour our duty!" Really, fucking wannabe samurai.

Instead of an echo of agreements, the one in the left shook his head at him and said, "Well, not really. But do you know what we could do? We are, after all, Bushi so we could order some girl to help us relieve our pent up stress."

Well, that guy knows his priorities.

The honour Bushi looked at him in disgust, yet I saw something in his eyes; was that lust? A hypocrite.

"Well, I need to practice my shooting skills after the guard duty. So..." I reminded them that my offer was open.

Slowly, they all were convinced, even the honour guy who was a little hesitant, but his brothers urged him. Ah, peer pressure was quite good.

Now with enough ammunition to survive the oncoming apocalypse, I went straight to the gate.

I passed Kajika who gave me a hateful glare which got me to pause. I looked at her back as she continued to walk. Just you wait.

As her back disappeared amidst the crowd of other people, I resumed my walk to the gate a little irritated. I glared at some passing people. My annoyance was very visible. I, even kicked a guy down as he unintentional crashed into me. Don't you have fucking eyes, I thought.

The way wasn't long, after all, the station wasn't so massive as the Capital, so I made good time.

My arrival was greeted by the Bushi guarding the drawbridge. I greeted them, "Guard duty, eh?"

He just smiled while he shrugged as if to say that it was life. Yeah, alright, what could you do?

"Did you know that someone didn't want to be checked after he got off the train?" I gossiped, eh, told him of the shameful display.

I had his attention at that, so I elaborated, "He ran. Well, he tried until I put a bullet into his shoulder." Which got him to laugh while shaking his head.

"What a idiot," He sneered as he spat to the ground. What a harsh review. Although, I admitted that the guy was indeed quite stupid, so that's that.

"When do you think will the Fusoujou arrive?" I asked him, trying to make himself open up to me with small talk to which he replied, "I don't know, but I think a day later or so."

We chattered quite a bit more. I did not know that he had two daughters and one was even a woman already. I whistled in amazement as he regarded me with his tales of bravery against the Kabane. Although, my thoughts strayed to his daughter.

Fortunately, his tales were most interesting, so my attention was focused on his stories.

Slowly, the sun retreated and the sky darkened until the night ruled above us.

Well, shit. What should I do? Stop that madness?

A loud whistle sounded out, coming from an oncoming train. I tensed my body as I saw how he went to the lever. My hands gripped the gun so hard that my knuckles whitened. I took aim at him and called out, "Halt!"

He turned around and saw me aiming at him, my finger caressing the trigger like a pet. To say he was shocked, was quite the understatement. I believed the wet fluid flowing down between his legs was the proof. It seemed his tales were lies after all. I took a sniff and yes...it was urine. A shameful display.

I held my gun, prepared to kill him if I must.

His knees trembled as he backed away from the lever. I relaxed my body at his compliance. Unfortunately, I heard the steps from another Bushi coming to the lever. Fucking god damn!

I turned to the right and aimed at the other Bushi who had his weapon ready which was hilarious enough a katana. Of course, I gave attention to the corner of my eyes so I could be ready when he grew some balls and decided to challenge me over the lever.

"Momoya! Are you fucking crazy?!" The Bush with the katana yelled at me outraged; his spit flew everywhere, hitting me too.

"Fuck you, " I pressed the trigger and he went down like a sack of potato. One dead Bushi to bury in a ditch.

I turned around as I saw something from the corner of my eyes, unfortunately, it was too late. The butt of his weapon caught my head, giving me a concussion as I saw everything in double, my balance wrecked; I fell down the ground. Yet I held onto my gun and aimed at him from the ground, although my aim was questionable because of the concussion.

Some dark spots gathered in my vision. I tried to ignore them. I used every last bit of power to press the trigger.

I didn't know if I killed him as Morpheus arms strangled me to unconsciousness.


End file.
